


(Don't) Let Me Go

by StitchingStarsigns



Series: Homestuck x Minority!reader [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Abuse, Abusive Relationships, Bullying, Child Abuse, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/M, Hospitalization, Hurt/Comfort, Other, Self-Harm, Suicidal!Reader, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-27
Updated: 2015-03-27
Packaged: 2018-03-19 23:19:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,911
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3628032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StitchingStarsigns/pseuds/StitchingStarsigns
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Your heart is pounding. Eyes wide and tear filled. You just made the biggest mistake of your now, very, very short life. </p>
<p>Now you know what it means to have your life pass before your eyes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	(Don't) Let Me Go

Your heart is pounding. Eyes wide and tear filled. You just made the biggest mistake of your now, very, very short life. 

Now you know what it means to have your life pass before your eyes.

-

You smile bright, eyes bright and sparkling. You watched as your friend crossed the school yard, waving for you. The grey skinned boy finally got to you, and stopped with his hands on his knees. After panting for a moment, he looked up to you, straightening himself to a standing position and smiled widely, showing off the broken teeth in his mouth. With a giggle, you waved your hand lightly at him.

“Hey there horuss! What’s up?” You asked him, watching as he brushed the loose strands of hair he hadn’t caught in his pony tail.

“Not much, but my dad brought me out to the farm again! Look! I lost another tooth!” He shouted gleefully, pulling his lips with one hand and pointing the the gap between his teeth.

Just then the horned boy was pushed forward, a taller, fined boy laughing mockingly at him.

Cronus Ampora, 13 years old, two years older than you and a huge bully. You pout, putting your hands on your hip, you glare at him. You suck in a breath quickly.

“Cronus! What was that for!?” You yelled at the seadweller. Crouching down you helped your friend up and dusted him off, before turning towards Cronus once again.

“Awv, common babe, are ya still protecting that loser?” The boy laughed, flicking your nose.

Now he’s done it. Before you can stop yourself, you fists are balled up and you’d punched him right in the nose. You look down at your fists and cringe at the violet that covered the one. You growl as he turns back towards you cleaning the blood off his upper lips. his fins flared and you take a step back, but hold your ground with a sneer on your lips.

“Horuss is not a loser! You’re just a big bully who wouldn’t know friendship if it slapped him in the face!” You yelled, standing protectively in front of the blue blood. You could hear him stuttering and asking you to stop, but it didn’t register as the adrenaline ran through you.

Needless to say, your smaller body was no match for the seadweller strength, and you’d gone home with your first black eye that night. Soon after, all your friends began to leave you, encouraged by the violet blood, and you’d been branded a freak. This went on until highschool. By the end of 9th grad you’d only had two friends left, (b-f) and the school nurse. You could handle it. You were used to it. The only thing you couldn’t understand was why it still hurt. You were lonely and tired and wanted to scream, but you stayed silent. You stayed silent because you knew what would happen if you did speak up. They’d just hurt you more, an extra pint of blood lost for speaking up, an extra bruise for being defiant, it was always the same. If you were honest with yourself, the only real pain was the fact that the person you tried so hard to protect just left you too. You still loved him though.

You’d fallen for Horuss Zahhak, but just like everything else, it just caused you pain.

Sometimes, you can’t help but blame him for all of this. How could he just leave you? After all you’d done to keep him safe and happy, after all the blood you’d spilt for him, how could he in his right mind leave you alone like this? For who? The girl that hurt him and laughed at him for years, stolen his things, lied to him and blamed him for every single thing she did wrong. He’s left you for the preppy little cat girl Meulin Lejion. The two of them where moirails now, and despite your warnings to him, he just can’t see that she’s only using him. She’s changed him so much, and you can see the pain behind his forced smile. He’s become a laughing stock, and the only reason the popular kids keep him around is because he’s so desperate for love that he’ll do just about anything. You just wish he would realize that you would love him for who he is, not for who he’s pretending to be.

But school wasn’t the entire problem.

At home, your parents where either gone, fighting or drunk, and their anger was alway directed towards you. They’d use you to get back at each other, they’d insult you and hit you, then act like they where the victim. And to be honest, you weren’t sure if that’s a lie anymore. 

After all was said and done, you have no idea how you couldn’t have ended up self harming. It was a release for you, It let you hide away from the emotional pain for even a moment, and as bad as it’s said to be, it’s really the best thing you have going on for you. It’s been months now, almost a year that you’ve been doing it. You don’t wear short sleeves at all anymore, not with the arms that look like they got hacked up by a chainsaw. You know if anyone found out it would just end horribly, and probably get you more attention from those who love to torment you. As if you don’t get enough already. Luckily for you, no one seemed to notice the change in wardrobe. Except for (b-f), who left you too. You aren’t surprised, they’ve always been the type of person who couldn’t stand that sort of thing, and most definitely the one to look out for it. When they finally caught a good look at your forearms, they were quick to scowl at you and insult you. Even quicker to leave you, but again, you weren't too surprised. Just another reason to hate your life, right?

Many unimportant details could be told, but it all just led up to the first time you tried this.

Yes, you'd tried to take your life once. Its easy to remember how long it took you to pick the lock on your dad's medicine cabinet, and even easier to remember how you'd lined up the pill bottles along the bathroom counter, preparing to end it all. The row of pills would have been an easy means to an end, had you understood which ones to take, but even after looking it all up, you weren't sure which was the deadliest combination. The next answer was, quite obviously, just to take all of them, and you did try to. You damn well did take at least three from about half the bottles, but overdosing on sleeping pills wasn't exactly what you thought it would be. Especially not when you wake up in a hospital bed instead of heaven, or hell. Who know's where you'd end up.

Being under suicide watch was hell. The food was shit, you were treated like shit and it didn't do its supposed job for shit. Thank god you were a good liar because they let you out quick. 

You tried to keep yourself alive for a bit after that. You'd reach out to anyone who would listen, but it always ended the same. You were always going to be the freak and you couldn't stand it. You were hopeless and tired of it all. You just wanted to sleep forever, not have to wake up to the hellish life you had. To go somewhere, anywhere other than where you were right now, and that's how you ended up in this mess. That's how you'd ended up on the bridge, dressed in the nicest clothes you owned, shaking silently as your hair whipped at your face from the edge of the concrete structure that held you from the crashing waters and shining mist that sailed below you. Within an instant you'd pushed off, realizing in a blink too late just how badly you'd messed up. 

That blink was the face of the troll you hated to love.

Everything seemed to move in slow motion now. You watched as he reached out for you, panicked, terrified even. The tears that rimmed his eyes where too much for you. You couldn't watch him any longer, and thus you closed your eyes, holding back sobs and tears, and waited for the shattering pain that you'd expect from such a great fall, or even the rush of waves pulling you to the riverbed below, but they never came. The wind slowed, and the sensation of falling was replaced by the feeling you'd get during the loop on a roller coaster. In the moment it took for you to notice the grip of his strong hands on your ankle, the troll above you had already been able to lift you high enough to hold you close. In the moment it took to recover from the shock, the both of you had already crumpled to the ground, safely on the sidewalk of the bridge. In the moment it took for you to realized all that this could mean for you, you were already sobbing on his chest, gripping the fabric of his shirt, desperately hoping that this wasn't just another mistake.

In your frenzy of emotions, you'd hardly noticed him picking you up, and it was only after he'd kissed you gently on the forehead that you notice him carrying you away, towards what you assumed was his house. He carefully rubbed your back, whispering sweet words of comfort as he held you close, not letting your feet touch the ground until he'd set you down on a bed covered in blue sheets. Once he had set you down, the waterfall of emotions had calmed enough that when he asked you why, you could tell him everything.

It took hours, alternating between crying and explaining, but he listened. He listened so quietly that once you'd finished, you were afraid he might hate you, or that he was regretting saving your life, and you'd almost broken into tears again.But then came something totally unexpected.

He pulled you close, holding onto you as if you'd disappear when he let go, and he kissed you. It was gentle, quick and feathery light, but it happened, and once it was over he laid his head gently onto your shoulder. You could feel the heat of tears slowly dripping down his cheeks, and hear the word he spoke so loudly, as if he'd yelled them out to the world, despite the whispers that he spoke. He told you he loved you over again, about how sorry he was, and how he never should have let you go through that alone. You could feel the redness in your cheeks, as you took in all his words, holding him tightly, burying your head in his chest once again. The only words that escaped your lips where the four you'd kept only for him.

"I love you too."

In that moment you were happy. You had hope. You had hope that maybe with him by your side, things would be better, that maybe you could live a happy life. You didn't know how long it would take but as long as he held you in his arms, you were sure things would get better one day.

"Just don't let me go."


End file.
